Friday, March 19, 2010

My Platform

When I am president of the United States the first thing I am going to do is burn all of the books and block all of the websites that go against my teachings. Actually I haven't really waited to become president to do this. I already blocked Confucius and Laozi's blogs. Confucius is too family oriented and Laozi is just too much of a tree hugger.


Really censoring is caring. So long as I control what you see and hear you won't know that there is anything different out there. What I say is reality will be reality because what I say goes.


You may have also seen the article on me in Time magazine last month. Here is the cover.

In it they talked about my brilliant idea. Can you guess what it is? I want to build a Great Wall of America. The Great Wall of China that I built in 220 BC. Over the past thousand years it has done a fairly good job of keeping invaders out of China.

In the article I explain how I think that we should build huge walls to protect our borders. We need to keep the pesky Canadians in their place. Up north in the cold is right where they belong. They don't need to come down here. I think a big wall will display that message nicely.

I was contacted by a Mr. Busker and Ms. Schwendenmann to come and visit some place called Delhi Middle School next week. I don't know if I am going or not. I will keep you posted.

3 comments:

Laozi said...

Blocking my site wasn't very nice! I was just getting the hang of using it. By the way making a huge wall seems like a good way to upset the dao. I think that if you became a Daoist Shi you would be much happier. You would be at peace. By the way I was invited to speak at the school too! I hope to see you there.

Confucius said...

Blocking my website was not your best move my friend! I just have to think of my own saying, "When anger rises think of the consequences." The consequence is my anger is probably causing great shame to my family. I will get over my anger quickly in order to keep my family's honor. I too am going to the school to talk.

Shi Huangdi said...

I have to go now! I was so looking forward to just watching the basketball games on TV this week. But it looks like I have to go now!